


Fixation

by xsssjjj



Category: Kpop - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Death, Drugs, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues, Original Character Death(s), Other, Psychotropic Drugs, Sad, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 13:57:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8982721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xsssjjj/pseuds/xsssjjj
Summary: do you know the true mark of the butterfly,it's beauty is nothing but a lie,It is fixated on the fool who believes,it weaves it perfect fantasy.~s.j.j-hope of BTS fanfiction





	

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I kept repeating this in my mind, reminding myself that I needed to calm down. Ever time I said it in my head, it felt as though the words were getting harder to hear. I gripped the white marble sink. I looked at my now tensed griped hands, turning white. I thought that if I grasped harder I would feel better, but I only felt worse. I felt myself slipping again. I looked up through the partisan in my fringe. Glaring coldly at the man there. Who was he, surely he was not me. Surely I was not this low of a human, whose face had paled to that of a ghost and lips so chapped it could cut paper. I felt my stomach begin to hollow once again and looked away then. Releasing the sink in the process and turning slightly around. I heaved one heavy breathe and screamed. I found my hand bleeding seconds later and the mirror shattered onto the floor and sink. I watched the slow flow of blood, I couldn't feel that. I couldn't feel it. I looked up again to where the mirror once was, where now the medicine cabinet behind had been revealed. I found my friend there. I found a way to see him again. I grabbed for the pill bottle. I blankly recall the first time I had taken them, how I felt. Like a butterfly. Untouchable, in a beautiful serene place.A place where nothing ever happened the way it happened. 

I was in the midst of opening it up seeing the first of the white pills peek out behind the lid. 

"Ho Seok-hyung your hand." I turned around then, Jimin stood there with a furrowed brow. His immediate action was to grab my wrist and bring it closer to his face for observations. He then threw my hand which made blood fling on the wall behind me. "Why are you doing this!" His voice, not only in singing but in yelling can get quite high. I looked down at our feet on the beige tiled flooring. "Are you going to answer me?!"..."Aish!" his hands gripped onto his hair as he turned to the broken mirror then back to the bedroom. "HE IS GONE! WE CAN'T GET HIM BACK!STOP TRYING TO GET HIM BACK!" 

"He was my brother....DID HE NOT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU!?" I felt my body react with anger. In that moment it's like I had no right over my actions and I was immediately yelling and pushing him against the wall with my injured hand. Blood dripped and fell on his white t-shirt. A stain started to form, I watched as it did so. A stain on a white shirt, like the stain of death in all of our friendships. It was very noticeable but the remainder was white and we chose to look more at that then the stain which keeps getting bigger. "He..is..gone hyung." I looked up to meet his eyes then. A sadness rang true in them too. I don't want him gone. I wanted him here. I wanted to hug him and never let him go. I wanted to tell him all the things that were running through my head. I wanted to scream at him for leaving.I wanted to cry. I felt something on my cheek. Jimin's finger slowly wiped away at the sole tear falling on my cheek. Then, almost as if a dam had finally broke, I crashed. I dug my face into his shoulder as I grabbed at the bloody spot of his white crisp t-shirt. I cried. I never wanted anyone to see me like this. This right here is not how a man should act. A great silence other then my sobs, which only grew louder, was heard. 

"Hyung.....hyung, I... I will go get us something to eat. It will help." I moved away from him then still looking at the spot I grabbed onto. Jimin grabbed at my hand and pulled it away. Slowly like how I imagine a soul leaving a body would be, my hands let go of his t-shirt. I shook my head yes. I didn't look up though. I only saw his shoes retreating and the very distant echo of a door closing. 

I stood still like that for awhile, not really knowing how long. I gained the sense of my hands again and felt the pill bottle still in left hand. I looked at it then, seeing the pills. A distant laugh was heard. It only played in my mind, but I knew that laugh anywhere. I wanted so badly to hear it again. I tilted the bottle out onto my bloody hand.Two white pills fell onto my hand. It was then natural. My hand was brought to my lips, the pills found my lips. My throat swallowed them whole. My mind was preparing. 

I went to my bedroom then. Limped till I fell to the ground of the old wooden floor. I rolled to my back and watched the ceiling till eventually the ceiling started to blur. I looked off to my left side, as my vision of what was my room disappeared. 

"Hyung....what took you so long." I was first looking at a bright sun till a figure emerged in the middle of it and I was in a field of some sort. I felt the grass beneath me, still damp from with morning dew.I could feel a slight breeze on my cheek. That figure started to materialize, Jin. My smile grew wider. "Jin." He smiled. Then he laughed. My heart sank down with the feeling of being free. I felt happy to see him,finally.


End file.
